May 21st, 2006
I have a lot to say.
First of all, I'm glad Emma liked her Mother's Day gift. Because she deserved it. Think about it, all the shit she's been through? With me and Darcy and all of that? She deserves so much more and I promise one day I'll give it to her, but for now it'll do. I wanna hold her up high and take her to the ends of the Earth like I know she wants to. And I wanna be there with her through it all. I think that's what love is, being there all the time. Forever.
And Riley too. She's like Emma everyday. They were sitting and playing and I watched them and wow. She's going to be just like her. And she'll find someone lucky and marry him and I swear to God if he hurts her I'll kill him but in the mean time. He better not be like me. A wanna be thug. What the hell was wrong with me? Stealing? Rap? Please.
Work is..work. I'm gonna get my job back, I swear.
Tucker made a lot of money, and is going to give me a loan soon. So that's always good so I can re-buy our house. And so we can be a happy family again. Because it's not working, and I'm not being the good father.
Lots of writing tonight.
I'm gonna go talk to my baby.
April 10th, 2006
|08:13 pm - alive|
I don'tk now why I did it.
I know why, because I fucked up and lost the house. I'm nothing now. I'm worth nothing to them. I'm done, I'm over. A waste of space.
But I'm glad I'm alive.
Not really, if I was dead Emma could get money from that somehow. I don't wanna leave them, but I'd be with them when they dreamt, and that's all I needed. I love them so much, but my life now..means nothing.
What am I gonna do?
Current Mood: scared
April 6th, 2006
|02:25 pm - so i left|
I pulled a Jess and left. There is a lot reason why but the main one ISN'T Chris.
I know it's a lie, but I just flipped out. What if it isn'? I give that girl EVERYTHING. I give up work for her. I take care of our kid..I do all I can. And she does that?
I can't be a father. I can't do this shit, I'm fucking up already. I just left. And Darcy tried to get me to spend the night at her house...no. I don't play this shit, ya'll.
I'm staying with Tracker for awhile, to get my head straight. All these people trying to pull me down...I can't know, no I don't know who or what to believe. Right now, I believe my little 4 month old daughter. Everyone else- who the fuck knows.
I love her so much. It hurts not to wake up next to her. But I can't do this right now. I'm gonna get fired soon, we're not gonna be able to pay for our house. You guys ever wonder why I'm so nice to Darcy? She's a lieing whore...but she has somewhere to live. And Emma isn't, so what are we gonna do if we can't pay? Yeah, try being me.
Current Mood: sad
April 2nd, 2006
Beautiful colors that came for you
So this ones goes out to the reds and yellows and blues
And of course I cant forget, all the beautiful colors on the day that we first met
So I will never know the right way to say thanks
for all the nights and days you spent hanging out
Cause that's what this is about
How I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea of being without you
And no, this won't be a sad song
There's gonna be claps and singing along
Cause you're there when you talk and you're there not to stop and you're with me
My friend at work told me that they're a cool band. some lyrics. for emma.
i love you, kid.
work sucks. the end.
Emma fucks like no other. love that girl.
Current Mood: happy
March 26th, 2006
I hate fighting. I always fought with my Mom and now it's Emma. Just little things, turning into big things. It makse me wonder why I'm trying, she's not helping. But..it's getting better. Last night, we talked, and spent some time together. Riley stayed at her Grandma's. We went to the park yesterday.
Darcy's house needs help.
i hate updating
Current Mood: irritated
March 12th, 2006
Haven't been around lately, working so much. Paying for everything.
Emma and I haven't spoken since that night, after we made love, she had to bring up another guy. What the hell is up with that? I love her, more than anything, and she has to bring up Chris. Makes me think, but she's not like that. It's hard to talk to her, because I don't know what do say.
Yeah..so I'm here.
Maybe it'll let up a little, I doubt it though.
February 21st, 2006
Babies take up everything. Time, money, attention. But it's worth it. Riley is everything I've ever wanted. I never felt like I truely fit in somewhere, or I had a place where I felt like home. But when I look at her and I hold her and smell her I know that she's mine, forever. and that I can watch her grow up and be around her and I know that she's my baby girl and I'm gonna protect her. My life is set up from now. Picking her up from school, watching her go on her first date, watching her get married. It's planned out. I love that feeling.
But I've had to work my ass off too. And I hate that. I'm not around to see her or Emma.
Emma...is amazing. She's a great Mom and Wife. I'm so glad that I started my life with her. My true love, my everything.
Hate to run this short, I could talk about Ril and Em forever, but I gotta go back to fucking work. I'll be home though soon.
Current Mood: busy
February 5th, 2006
I have a daughter.
She's perfect. She's everything. I hold her and she's amazing. She looks just like Em.
How the hell am I going to do this?
Current Mood: nervous
February 4th, 2006
|11:12 am - almost here|
it's almost here. we don't know if it's a girl or a boy yet, i want to know but emma doesn't. i'm not gonna lie, i'm freaked out. just..i never wanted to be a dad, until she told me.
i've been working a lot, too much. i got some of my hours cut back because i didn't want to miss anything.
my mom called, asked me how emma was. i told her she was okay. we went over to spike's house and that went over well. then we went to the park, yeah, fun. ran into darcy, she seems happy. went home, watched some jake high. normal date for us.
i wonder how things are gonna be after it's born. i don't even think i know how to hold a baby right.
i hope i learn.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: nirvana
January 28th, 2006
the doctors told emma that she needs to not do so much or the baby could be in harm. i felt like shit when I heard that..like it was my fault so what do I do? i go out and get drunk and get arrested. good fucking move, sean
anyways, i think she'll be okay if she doesn't do as much
i've been working my ass off to pay for all this shit
why can't the baby just come out now? i am sick of waiting. this is stupid.
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Nirvana